[fabulash.]

mini venting.

i know i haven’t been here in a while, but this seems like the only safe place.  twitter used to be my outlet for annoyance until the people that annoyed me joined. basically, i’m feeling very lonely and left out from the two people i enjoy calling my friends on campus.  they claim that they’ll miss me when i leave for good, but they don’t show it.  from where i stand, if i have less than 4 days left with a best friend i’d at least want to be in their presence…even in silence. however, these girls clearly don’t feel that way.  we all usually study together, but they have stopped inviting me, leaving me on my own wondering where they are and feeling like a fool for caring.  my friends from home have done some shady things to me in the past, but they never made me feel lonely, pitied, or unwanted.  we went out to go pick up some food last night and as i finished ordering and made my way to get my drink, i see them leaving the restaurant out of the corner of my eye.  i would have been okay with them going to wait outside, but was pained when they came back in and said “oh, i forgot about mariah.” that hurts.  i just cannot wrap my mind around friends who don’t even bother to ask if the other is okay when they seem upset or stressed.  maybe i’m asking for too much.  only rarely now does it feel like “the three of us,” because all i see is the two of them…and then me.  ugh. i just don’t know how to fully express how i feel because it’s not only embarrassing to allow people to make me feel this way, but it’s also extremely saddening to simply feel lonely.  and what makes it even harder is that i can’t just let things go, or ignore my feelings.  i hate that.